Wednesday, April 8, 2009

online dating sucks

So ... I'm an attractive, young-ish looking 43-year-old. Or so I am told. Some days I feel like I'm still in my 20's but other days I feel every bit of my nearly 16,000 days here on this earth. Wow. I'm old. And my name is not really Rex. (I thought it sounded sexy, and good with 'rambling').

I've done the online dating thing before. I've met some good friends that way, I've had some fun hook-ups (I'm human!) and I've had some terrible dates. I'll get to that another day.

Having been single for far too long, I recently decided to try again. Today I finally checked my several dozen messages after a week of having my ad online, and I must say, I am discouraged.

My profile is straightforward, albeit brief. As I state, I think chemistry is everything, and even if I prefer quiet nights in with a DVD and Chinese food, and he loves to try a different French restaurant three times a week, we'll make it work if we connect. And by connect, I mean if we're attracted to each other.

Let's be honest -- looks matter. And when it comes to online dating, a photograph is worth 1,000 words. (10,000 perhaps.) The site I joined even states that members with no picture of himself will get no response. Well, it doesn't say NO response, but come on ... It's 2009. If you haven't figured out yet how to upload a photo, you have no business dabbling in online dating.

But I digress ...

Back to the reason(s) I am discouraged. Almost all of the replies were from guys resembling child molestors, but two profiles especially caught my eye for completely different reasons.

'Fred' (not his real name) claims to be 63. (He could easily pass for 75.) He describes himself as 'younger than my years' (as do I -- that scares me!). He also admits to being 'thick' (fat), having 'a little gray' (the rest has fallen out!) ... but wait! He's got a 'somewhat sexy voice'! Whew. Hot. Gimme some of that!

But here's the kicker -- he's seeking only men between the ages of 25 and 50. What? If he looked like Harrison Ford, maybe. Even that would be a stretch. But he looks more like an over-stuffed Mickey Rooney. Or Andy Rooney for that matter. (Do a Google image search.)


Then there's Brian. That actually is his real name. Fuck him. He's 31 and adorable. Unlike 'Fred', Brian didn't contact me. Why would he? He is seeking twinks ... I mean guys from ages 22 - 32. Maybe I'm just being a bitter queen 'cuz I'm too old for him. Or so he thinks. He doesn't know that I am funny and I brush and floss daily, and that I usually smell pretty good! FUCK HIM!

Oh my gawd ... I'm turning into 'Fred.'

Rambling Rex


  1. They both sound like they need a visit to that Patti on Millionaire Matchmaker. Do you watch that show, by the way? (It's a good one!!)

    Well, I don't know them, but I know you and while I can imagine that the whole dating scene is terribly frustrating (and believe me, I thank God every day for my hubby!), I think if they're that superficial then compatibility and a relationship is probably not at the top of their list.

    Hang in there, Rex!!! ;)

  2. Thanks Rock Chick! I have to check this Patti out. I can't believe there is a TV show I'm not watching. :-)

  3. Come to Dallas, and I'll take you to Gaybingo with my husband and me (I don't know why they had to use a "label" --except to warn homophobes). It's a grand good time, and there were some really hot looking guys there!

    Fortunately, I never had to resort to on-line dating...even so, I agree with your assessment.

    Jessica said if I liked her I would like you and I bet she's right. Good so far..

  4. Very funny post. Welcome to blogging! It's an endless learning process for me, I've been doing it over 2 years now. Jessica TRC told me about your blog so I stopped by. Keep up the humor!

  5. Hey...why the hell can you not live in Vancouver Canada...where when you turn 40 your Dead. I am not ugly, not a mornon but the fact that all is judged on a photo..really does suck. Hell I just want to at least chat a bit with them...let them see how freakin' fantastic I think I am....I think....hmmm... your blog, just what I needed and found it on Google...third link down...impressive!
    Andre *Vancouver, BC Canada* panoramagay at

  6. Hey Anonymous! Glad you read the blog. I haven't been too inspired to write as of late. In fact, I had to scramble to find the password to log in to accept your comment! :-)

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